|Friend:||I'm coming over now!|
|Me:||Cool. I'll put on pants.|
[WARNINGS on the following for some very creepy and mean-looking animals, including lizards, jellyfish, centipedes, and an octopus that might trigger trypophobia.
scroll down at your own risk.]
MEANWHILE IN AUSTRALIA
RABBITS MATING WITH RATS
TINY HERBIVOROUS BEARS
PLUSH TOYS MAGICALLY COME TO LIFE
WHAT THE FUCK
WALKING FEATHER DUSTERS
THE FUCK IS THIS IDEK BUT IT DESERVES A HUG
THE MOST FABULOUS BIRDS SINCE FLAMINGOS
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING IT’S LIKE A DOG BRED WITH A MEERKAT
WELL IT’S PRETTY CUTE I G- JESUSFUCK
AND MORE LIZARDS
FUCK MAN EVERYWHERE HAS LIZARDS WHAT’S THE BIG D- WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK
AND WHATEVER THIS THING IS WILL FUCK UP A HONEY BADGER
WHAT YOU THINK CUZ IT’S LIKE 80% DESERT HERE WE DON’T GOT PENGUINS FUCK YOU WE GOT PENGUINS IN SWEATERS
HEY I THINK YOU SAW THIS ONE IN A MUSEUM ONCE
ALSO HEY ENJOY OUR BEAUTIFUL BEACHES ALSO THIS FUCKER
AND THIS GUY
AND THIS GUY WANTS TO KILL YOU TOO
AND HOLY FUCK LOOK AT THIS THING
JESUS CHRIST THEY COME IN POCKET VERSIONS
BACK TO THINGS THAT WANT YOU DEAD
WEREN’T EXPECTING THAT WERE YOU.
SO YEAH, COME VISIT AUSTRALIA.
WE’RE ALL FUCKING WAITING WITH OUR WEIRD SHIT.
Since when were wombats that adorable. They’re so cute, just what the hell.
AUSTRALIA YOU ARE OUT TO KILL US ALL
WITH YOUR TINY POISONOUS THINGS
LIKE THIS SPOTTY FUCKER
WHO IS THE SIZE OF A SOFTBALL
OR THIS JELLYFISH, WHO IS NEARLY FUCKING MICROSCOPIC AND ONLY HAS FOUR FUCKING TENTACLES
WHAT KIND OF JELLYFISH ONLY HAS FOUR FUCKING TENTACLES
THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN FUCKING TINY POISONOUS THINGS
IS FUCKING HUGE BUGS
THIS FUCKER IS SIX INCHES LONG
THAT IS LONGER THAN YOU ARE TALL AND WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP
MEANWHILE, TO MAKE UP FOR THE FACT THAT THE WHOLE ISLAND IS OUT TO KILL YOU,
Australia has taken to producing the fucking prettiest people on the planet. Who will probably also kill you from how fucking gorgeous they are.
Fuck you, Australia. Fuck you.
|PAUL:||Don't tell me what to do! You're not the government! The government should not be in the business of killing zombies!|
|(A ZOMBIE bites into RON PAUL'S shoulder.)|
|RICK GRIMES:||Oh my God!|
|SHANE:||They're eating Ron Paul! Shoot the bastards!|
|ROMNEY:||We're pro-life, duh.|
|(ZOMBIES begin eating the other three candidates.)|
|RICK GRIMES:||You idiots!|
|(GRIMES and SHANE run away.)|
|ROMNEY:||This is Obama's fault!|
|GINGRICH:||I'm gonna miss Super Tuesday!|
|SANTORUM:||Jesus sweatervest Christ, THERE'S SANTORUM IN MY PANTS!|
My cousin invited me to a party at her college dorm and posted a picture of all of us (the five cousins that were there) covered in neon paint (it was a rave themed party) and holding suspicious red cups.
She told me that it was quote “grandparent proof” and that she blocked all of our older relatives from seeing the picture.
I guess she forgot my dad…he doesn’t seem too bothered that I was there…or that I had an arrow painted on my chest pointing at my non existent boobs.
|tumblr user:||apples are delicious|
|another tumblr user:||wow um who are you to say whether or not apples are delicious?? that's totally subjective you should've said "*I* think apples are delicious" and even then fuck you how do you think that makes oranges and pears feel? there are all types of different fruit and they're all delicious in their own way and don't need to be judged by assholes like you|
|another tumblr user:||^^^ This.|
|another tumblr user:||*glee gif*|